Ever since moving to Florida in 2019, I became much more aware of my appearance and became more self conscious than I ever had before. I was constantly on social media, comparing myself and my life to my others, always wanting what other influencers had. I came to a breaking point during the summer of 2020 - covid summer. I took a break from social media to just see if I could. I was sick of not experiencing life the way I used to when I was a child. Paying attention to the small details of life, the way the soft breeze flows, the smell of freshly cut grass, hearing birds chirping in the distance. When I was on social media, I would be consumed with it entirely. Any free second that I got, I was immersed.
The mind is like a sea shore and thoughts are like the everlasting waves, constantly flowing in and out. A cycle that just does not stop. To me, I felt that an overwhelm of thoughts was causing me to lose my sense of self. I thought I wanted my life to be one certain way, but then I would go on social media, see the way another influencer was living their lives and want that life.
So what was my true, authentic self? What was my life's mission? My core values? Who was I?? Under all of the Lightroom filters, IG lenses, stories & highlight reels - who really was I as a person? What was not serving me that I continuously kept letting back into my life? What was the life that I dreamed of?
There was this stillness in meditation that brought me such pure bliss. That I realized, if I could live my life like this, with no external influences, just living life the way I intended - then my mind would be at peace and there would be no inner conflict. Just stillness and peace - similar to the way the autumn leaves stand in the fall crisp air at sundown under golden, lazy rays of sunshine. Bringing me back to the purity of childhood, when the best part of life was playing around outside & letting your imagination run free.
As a result, I started to just let go. I began letting go of everything that stressed me out, all of my worries, fears and uncertainties. Instead of dwelling on the what ifs and how's, I just started to live my life. And be present in the moment. And live each moment to the fullest. I began believing that, yes, everything really does happen for a reason and every step that you take in life is leading you to where you are supposed to be. There are no wrong turns. Everything that is meant to be, will be.
This way of thinking eventually forced me to sit down and sort out my life’s values - something I had never done before. I think this comes with age, as you get older you start to just naturally filter out the things that don’t mean much to you anymore; but getting ahold of it while still young at 25 feels pretty amazing. I sat down and asked myself, what are things that make you feel absolutely amazing? Once I listed all of the things that were important in my life - everything just started to make a lot of sense. Pieces of my life were fitting together like a puzzle, and the universe was working it all out for me.
So, once I really let go and let myself live, life unfolded and presented me with an opportunity that I could not pass up. I just started a new career as a Merchandise Coordinator, which is exactly what I went to college for and was my dream job in college. I am so ecstatic and couldn’t be more sure that this is the exact path I am needed to follow at the moment. I have taken a pause to focus on nurturing myself, my well being, and my creative side. I hope you enjoy following along the journey with me & I hope you find some inspiration through it all.
-Amanda, xx
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